After such a total lack of response from my last feeble effort, I thought I would try again for a few laughs:

AMUSING QUOTES FROM MUSICIANS AND OTHER FAMOUS PEOPLE:

"I write as a sow piddles."
MOZART

"My sole inspiration is a telephone call from a producer."
COLE PORTER

"The amount of money one needs is terrifying..."
BEETHOVEN

"Only become a musician if there is absolutely no other way you can make a living."
KIRKE MECHAM on his life as a composer, rumoured also to have been said by MARILYN HORNE

"Chaos is a friend of mine."
BOB DYLAN

"Of course I'm ambitious. What's wrong with that? Otherwise you sleep all day."
RINGO STARR

"Flint must be an extremely wealthy town: I see that each of you bought two or three seats."
VICTOR BORGE, playing to a half-filled house

"God tells me how the music should sound, but you stand in the way."
TOSCANINI berating a trumpet player

"I really don't know whether any place contains more pianists than Paris, or whether you can find more asses and virtuosos anywhere."
CHOPIN

"When she started to play, Steinway himself came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano."
BOB HOPE on comedienne Phyllis Diller

"Never look at the trombones, it only encourages them."
RICHARD STRAUSS

"Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of dying, he sings."
ROBERT BENCHLEY

"A ponderous orchestral absurdity."
FRANK ZAPPA on his rock symphony, which debuted with the Los Angeles Philharmonic